I’d have put up a picture to show you what I mean, but every photograph of him taken before 1990 seems to be a copyrighted image, and management is adamant about the whole “not being sued” thing. Whatever.

Anyway, the man was quite the dish back in the day, although his charm had less to do with his looks and more to do with his clever tongue. If you were concerned with things like propriety, elegance, or wholesomeness, he probably wasn’t your speed. But for those who tended toward speaking their dirty mind, teasing the sanctimonious, and pissing off the Conservative Right, George Carlin was the ultimate figurehead. In his stand up comedy, nothing was sacred except freedom—freedom to say what you want, live how you choose, and be as crass as your sick and twisted mind would allow.

I ask you, is it possible NOT to respect a man whose favorite words couldn’t be uttered on t.v?

George Carlin was a choad. He was also savvy, loveable, and funny as fuckall. Something tells me he was one of those fabulous assholes who would have loved being called a choad, at least by this Network’s definition. But alas, we’ll never know.

I wasn’t a die-hard fan of the man, but his HBO specials certainly saw me through some sleepless nights. You’ve got to respect a guy who can be so politically incorrect and still win the affections of the masses. That’s what was really so badass about him—he was completely unapologetic, and usually right. Whatever your political or philosophical perspective, the man was a big advocate for basic common sense, and bless his blasphemous heart, he did it in a way that made you snort your beer out your nose.

Oh, how he will be missed.

Religion Is Bullshit, Seven Words, and a few selected others.

Religion is Bullshit:

Pussy Farts:

Rape can be funny:

and of course:

Can’t say I blame them. The man made a career for himself sanctimoniously persecuting, I mean prosecuting prostitution rings, then goes down in a blaze of infamy over a 22 year old aspiring musician with a willingness to spread for the right dollar amount. Sure, he’s a raging hypocrite, philandering husband, unscrupulous egomaniac, and cautionary morality tale…

There’s been a lot of talk about whether this scandal has made Spitzer into a fallen hero or a just another cocktail party joke, and people were certainly quick to pass judgment on him, but initially there was some question as to whether or not he would need to step down as the governor of New York. The word “character” gets bandied around a lot when this kind of situation arises. People start talking about whether or not someone with this kind of character is qualified to be in a position of authority and leadership. Every time that happens I end up shaking my head.

Men like to have sex. Men in positions of power like to have sex. Men in positions of power with access to large sums of money like to have sex. Married men like to have sex. Are we getting the picture here yet? Men like to have sex. And they’ll do it under pretty much any and all circumstances, so it follows that if the dude has money and power, he’ll use them to his advantage. To have SEX.

Now in this case, the culprit spent up to $80,000 over the course of a decade on booty, some of which was taxpayer money. That’s not good. In fact, if I were a citizen of New York, I’d be calling for his resignation, his testicles, and his first-born. He was profoundly stupid in his actions, but he’s paying for it dearly now. I mean really, evidence of a paper trail to pussy means you’re doing something wrong. Chicks like men with power, and you don’t have to pay most of them to bed them.

But I’m digressing. The fact is people are pissed that this supposed man of “character” so misled the world. I’m so tired of this story. It happens every three months. Op-ed pieces about civil servants getting their dicks inappropriately wet seem to take up 50% of the news these days. SURELY there’s something else going on in the world, right? Or is everyone in politics just running around from one illicit tryst to another?

Spitzer might not even face criminal charges, as these kinds of trials generally focus more on the people running the operation than the people patronizing them. What that suggests to me is that we’re more pissed off about him getting his groove on than his breaking of the law. Spitzer’s a moron and a thief, but I actually feel bad for him.