That’s pretty hilarious since no one knows who the hell I am. Anyway, it provides me an opportunity to divulge a few random pieces of personal information to my wonderful readers. I’m supposed to list 10 random, odd, curious, or otherwise inane facts about myself, and then spread this viral love to other bloggers. However, just to jazz it up a bit, I’m only going to list 5 things about me that are actually TRUE. The other 5 “facts” will be crap I made up. Extra points if you can figure out what’s real and what’s BS.

1. When I was 12, I finished the Rubik’s cube someone had given my brother for his birthday. It took me 4 hours.

2. I once kicked a high-ranking government official in the groin when he grabbed my ass.

3. Babies scare the ever-living shit out of me. I’d feel more comfortable holding an atom bomb in my arms than I would a newly spawned human being.

4. I could eat pasta every day for the rest of my life and be completely happy.

5. Peter Mayle books make me hungry for good food, good wine, and good living.

6. I have voted in every national AND local election since I turned 18.

7. I collect rosaries from places to which I’ve traveled that have Catholic histories. But I’m actually an atheist.

8. My refrigerator is never full. My wet bar is never empty.

9. I am incredibly allergic to eggplant. One bite can put me near death, as my poor mother discovered early in my childhood.

10. I was thirteen the summer I jumped off a 55 foot bridge into a river just to prove to my father I wasn’t afraid to try scary things.

5 cold hard facts, 5 pieces of silly misinformation, 10 bits of the most useless knowledge anyone could ever hope for. You are very welcome. Now go add a choad.

As for those who must follow in my footsteps—I’m selecting my dear Miss T, the crassest man alive, also known as TescoMFVee, The Dude Man, The Dark One, and The consummate Asshole.